As suspected, the doctor told us we had to go into Labor and Delivery at the hospital to make sure my water had really broken (see, I wasn't the only one who thought I might have peed myself!). After changing clothes and double-checking our bags for everything we might need, we headed towards the hospital. The nursing staff was expecting us and when we arrived they brought us into an exam room. Right away I was hooked up to a couple of different monitors and the nurse tested the, ahem, fluid. She told us we weren't going to be going home that night, we were going to be having a baby!
It was a busy night in L&D and they had to kick some poor new mom out of my room. Don't worry, they just send them to the dreaded, non-renovated part of the hospital for the rest of their stay. While we waited, the nurse asked me if I had been having any contractions yet. I didn't think I was, but I told her about the back pain I'd been having over the last hour. A little acheyness that would come and go, but nothing serious. She looked at me, laughed, and pointed to one of the monitors asking if I was having any pain at that moment. I nodded my head, finally understanding that I was having back labor. Unfortunately, according to my birthing class instructor, it was the worst kind! Wonderful!
As we settled into the room, Dan alerted the
Orders or not, sleep did not occur that night. Between the nervous excitement, the steadily worsening contractions and the fact that I was hooked up to several monitors that beeped at me every time I tried to rolled over and change positions, neither Dan nor I got any rest. Each time the nurse came to check on me or adjust one of the monitors, she asked if I wanted to go ahead and get the epidural. I declined, remembering the advice of our birthing class instructor. I was trying to hold out as long as possible because sometimes the epidural can slow the progress. The problem was that I had no idea how quickly, if at all, I was progressing. When your water breaks you are at a greater risk for infection and the hospital staff doesn't want to check the cervix too often. I had made up my mind that I would just try to endure the pain for as long as I possibly could.
About 6am a nurse came in to let us know they had spoken with the physician on-call and she had decided to start me on pitocin to increase the intensity and frequency of my contractions. Due to my water breaking, we were on a time constraint. The baby would need to be delivered within 24 hours. She asked one more time if I wanted to go ahead with the epidural, reminding us that shift change was about to occur and it would push the request back if we made the decision too late. I wavered on the decision, but ultimately declined again. Dan, waiting until I was out of earshot and in the restroom, told the nurse to put me on the list anyway. He knew that I was going to need it once the pitocin kicked in. Thank God she listened to him, that smart man of mine.
Just after I was hooked up to the pitocin, the anesthesiologist came in to administer the epidural. We lucked out because the girl ahead of us decided to wait, meaning I was able to receive mine before the shift change! I was so incredibly nervous about the epidural. Again, I had no idea how far dilated I was, and I had heard so many horror stories. Plus, it's a big (okay, probably not that big) freaking needle poking you in the spine! I had to sit up on the side of the bed with my feet on a chair and try to hunch over, keeping my back curved. They told me to let them know if I was having a contraction because they would stop and wait for it to pass. Being that my contractions were in my lower back, I couldn't tell if the pain I was experiencing was due to the epidural or a contraction. So, rather than say anything, I clenched my teeth and dug my fingernails into my hand. This tactic must have worked pretty well because once they were done, the nurse told me I was the quietest and most compliant patient she'd even seen. I don't know if they say that to everyone, but I felt pretty proud of myself!
The epidural took effect almost immediately. It made a world of difference for me. Minutes after laying back in bed, Dan and I looked at the monitor and saw that my contractions were off the charts! Luckily, I didn't feel a thing. It was wonderful! The nurse checked my cervix and told me I was dilated to 4cm. A short while later, the physician on-call came in to let us know she was leaving. We asked her when we might be able to expect the little guy's arrival, although we knew she couldn't give us an exact time. We wanted to know when to tell the grandparents-to-be when they should arrive (we had asked them if they wanted to be in the room when Haeden was born). She estimated 2pm and said it'd be a good idea to have them arrive around noon just in case things progressed quickly.
For some reason the doc was still on the floor at 8am. She came in and said she wanted to check me one more time before she left for good.We were all surprised to find that in under an hour I had gone from 4cm to 6cm. Things were happening much faster than expected and she told us to call our family and let them know they should head to the hospital. Another hour passed. We were still waiting on the family to arrive and I was starting to feel very uncomfortable. I asked the nurse if I should press the epidural button I was given to release more medication into the catheter. She asked me if I was feeling pressure or pain. When I told her it was mostly pressure, she said that it probably wasn't going to help me at that point but if it made me feel better I could certainly try! *
The nurse checked me one last time. I was fully dilated. As she left to notify the doctor, Dan's mom arrived. She walked in and I was overcome with emotion. I don't know what it was. I was terrified and excited at the same time and I just started to cry. I felt like an idiot and sat there for a few minutes laughing and crying at the same time. Trying to regain my composure. I thought I would do the whole thing over again when my mom arrived, but at that point I was getting ready to push. The doctor came in along with a team of what seemed like twenty people (probably more like five). Nobody tells you that there are going to be that many people staring at your crotch. What they do tell you is that you will want that baby out so bad that you won't even care. All modesty goes out the window. That may be true for some people, but not me. I was fully aware of all of the eyes on me. I was desperately trying not to make eye contact with anyone and ended up closing my eyes both during and in between the pushing.
I don't know exactly how long I pushed, but it had to have been less than 15 minutes **It was incredibly painful, and between that and all the people watching me, I was determined to get him out and FAST! Three or four big pushes and the doctor tells me, "Hesper! Open your eyes, he's coming!" I looked down just as he entered this world. They put him in my arms almost immediately. I looked down and through the tears saw his beautiful face. I couldn't believe how tiny he was. And I will always remember the hiccups. The poor thing came into the world with a bad case of the hiccups. We were told not to worry, it doesn't hurt them, but it sure did make him mad.
I will never forget that first moment. Even now, over a year later, I feel my pulse quicken just thinking about the rush of emotions. The relief. Excitement. Fear. And most importantly, the tremendous amount of love. It is just astounding. My life changed forever in that moment. I changed.
I love you, sweet Haeden. Always and forever.
*And this is the part where I admit that I thought the epidural would mean that I would have virtually no pain during the actual birth of my child. Um, I was wrong!
** Just want to add that I cannot believe how fortunate we were with Haeden's birth. Not only did we get to meet our precious little man two weeks earlier than expected, but my labor and delivery went as smoothly as it possibly could have. Plus, look at that face up there!!!
